Mom life

Mom Set Free | Bible Study

mental health, Motherhood, Uncategorized

I’ve been struggling heavy this year. Struggling to keep up. Struggling to cope with grief & choices I made in the past. Struggling to keep the lights on. Struggling with mood swings & resentment. Just… Struggling.

I’ve decided to do some soul cleaning & mind work by going back through the Mom Set Free Bible Study.

I worked through this Bible Study a few years ago in a Mom Group. I felt like I got a lot out of it, but that I was also a completely different person in a different place at that time. I’ve added a few more children since then, learned a few more life lessons, and began finding real confidence in motherhood & homemaking.

I don’t have the time to complete each day’s work on a daily basis in this current season of life we’re in here, so I am aiming to work through one “day” slowly throughout the week until I make it through the entire workbook, sharing on Sundays.

Opening Questions

• If you could go back to the time when you were preparing for your first child, what advice would you give to the younger you?

Make your own decisions – do not let family or doctors make decisions for you. This is your child, not theirs. Worry less about names & shopping for clothes and spend more time researching everything. Research formula. Research vaccines. Research circumcision. Research Johnson & Johnson. Research Gerber. Research c-sections; trust in your own body, not a psychiatrist. You don’t need surgery or the pharmaceuticals being pushed on you. Start eating real food, stay away from processed poison. Learn to cook so you can teach good food habits from the start. Move out on your own.

Looking back, it’s absolutely wild how far I’ve come as a mother from my first pregnancy 15 years ago. I’m a completely different person. I have completely different values. I have a completely different mindset. Back then, I still had such a childish mind. I made mindless decisions that I strongly regret based on what others, or society, told me to do. Today, I would never. I’ve had life changing experiences with each child that has led me down different paths that taught me to leave society & raise my kids my own way. With each child I’ve gained more confidence in my abilities as a mother, and learned that being at home with my children is what I was called to do.

• What are some of the pressures mom face each day?

I cannot speak for other moms, I can only speak for myself. I homeschool during the week. I work my entire Saturday which sets me back days, all for a measley $100 – Our family’s only income for the last year & a half. Keep up with laundry, cleaning, meals, lawn & garden work, grocery shopping, meal planning, daily baking, cooking all meals at home from scratch, I take care of the cats. Getting kids to appointments & activities. Planning birthdays & holidays. Extended breastfeeding & cloth diapering. On Sundays, we have Ukrainian School where I am helping Ms. Tetiana with the preschoolers.

• What weakness has parenting revealed to you as a mom? What is the hardest part of being a mom for you?

I am controlling. I over-react to mess & too much noise. I have a hard time accepting help. I set unrealistically high standards for myself then get angry when I can’t achieve these standards.

I honestly couldn’t tell you what the hardest part is. Every day is different. Some days the hardest part is being ignored. Some days it’s when you realize you can’t remember how long it’s been since your needs have been met, but you have to keep pouring from a bone-dry cup anyway. Some days it’s sick, cranky kids. Some days it’s feeling like a total failure, that you can’t do anything right. Some days it’s everyone around you fighting & having a meltdown while you try to keep your own emotions in check. Some days it is feeling like you have no help or anyone to turn to, or worse, turning to someone you trust and being told, “well, you asked for this.” It depends on the day. It depends how my mental status is – did I get enough sleep? Did I eat?

• What are your biggest worries and concerns when you think you are not enough for your kids or for God?

I know that I am enough for my children. God wouldn’t have trusted me with them if I wasn’t – after all, they are His children first. However, there are human behaviors that I worry about impacting them, like when I yell. I apologize every time, but I still feel terrible. I try to be better than I was the day before, but I am human. While my husband has been out of work, I’ve felt like I am not able to do enough for them whether that be gifts or special outings. I have felt like a failure. I have felt like a disappointment. I especially feel this around birthdays & holidays. I do know, however, that the more that I compare, the more unsettled I feel. I only feel like I’m not doing enough when I compare what else could be done – a direct result of American consumerism. When I begin focusing on what I want (greed) & don’t have (envy), I begin feeling less than. We may not have everything we want, but we have what we need and most of all we have each other & that is enough.

Never in my life has it crossed my mind that I’m not good enough for God. I thought that was the whole concept: I was fearfully & wonderfully made in His image, and so were you. Saying I’m not enough is saying His image is wrong and that I know more than Him.

• Read Isaiah 26:3. What did you learn from this verse?

I had to look up what this was trying to tell me. What I learned is that if I look towards God, I will find the inner peace that I am searching for. I can’t control my way to peace, I must surrender. When it all seems like too much, ask God where to start. He will calm the heart & mind if I just trust in His plan.

• What does it mean to rely on the peace & power of God? How would that reliance change your parenting?

This is one that I feel that I’ve been working on while my husband has been out of work: really putting my faith into God taking care of us. It has been HARD. Most days I feel like the entire world rests on my shoulders and it will literally collapse if I don’t get it all done. I have to keep reminding myself that He doesn’t give us more than we can handle. I have to keep reminding myself that this is all part of His plan. I need to learn to let go of my need to control, and fully allow Him to do His work through me.

Knowing that these are God’s children and he has lent them to me to watch over them in their Earthly journeys is something that changed my parenting drastically. It really puts into perspective how important our jobs as Mothers is. We are trusted to care for them, keep them safe, treat them as good as God would. That’s a huge job! But it’s also SO beautiful that I was chosen for this.

• What do you want to gain most from this Bible Study?

I’m hoping to work through the traumas I have been carrying for so long now and let Jesus carry it for me. I hope to bring more peace into my heart & home. I hope I learn to let go of these grudges I hold & need to control, and learn to trust in God’s plan for me instead. I hope I can begin giving myself more grace. I hope to lean in and form a deeper relationship with God. To do personal reflection on areas that I need to work on in my life. Maybe get to connect with other like-minded mamas.

Thanks for being here on my journey.

Until next time ♡ Mama Morozov

Grace Girls | Building & Cooking Over Fire

homeschool, Motherhood, Uncategorized

This week we had our second Grace Girls meeting of the new school year. Our last meeting was learning how to properly set a table.

We started our night out with the devotion reading and a light discussion about what we read in our Bright Lights curriculum.

The meeting was hosted again by Ms. Darla and she taught the girls a lot about Fire Safety.

We learned what to wear and not wear around a fire. You want to wear jeans and short sleeves preferably. No flowy tops, dresses, or skirts. Hair must be secured back safely away from your face or cut short so it doesn’t catch on fire.

The most important question to always ask before building a fire is if it is legal to for a fire to be built there. Certain states have different regulations & seasons when fires are permitted, while other states ban fires all together due to high risk of forest fires.

When choosing a location to build your fire you want to look for:

  • No overhanging branches
  • Nothing flammable within 10 feet
  • The amount of wind the location gets
  • Is a pit provided? If not, dig one before building a fire to keep it safely secured in one location. It is best to line your pit with rocks.

Next Ms. Darla explained that we only burn wood for fuel. However for tinder & kindling you can use small branches or twigs, pinecone, evergreen branches and needles, pet fur, dryer lint, sawdust, or paper.

The girls worked together to group the wood in piles of large & small, and tinder/kindling in a bucket. She had bags of pinecone she had already collected over time.

Ms. Darla taught the girls different ways to build a fire, and what each kind is called. I had absolutely no idea there were so many different ways to make a fire. I thought it was just one way: build it 😂. The visual designs were really neat & helpful.

The girls then got into groups to pick a type of fire to build. Each group did a really good job!

We then went back around the fire to learn a bit more fire safety before we could get started.

We learned that you NEVER leave a fire unattended, and that you NEVER build a fire without adult permission & supervision.

If you do need to leave your fire for any reason: put it out first using water, covering with dirt or sand, or by spreading it out to reduce the heat.

Next, it was time to build the fire. Sasha really enjoyed this part. She was so adorable carrying the biggest log she could hold over for fuel.

The girls did a really good job building the fire. They even decorated it with pinecone and evergreen, draping kindling along the top and sides to make it pretty. It definitely was the prettiest fire I’ve ever seen!

Ms. Darla taught the girls about different tools needed to start a fire. She taught them about using fire starters and how they are important tools to pack when camping. She also taught things we could use if we don’t have Firestarter handy. She taught about the different size lighters and what each is good for. She also taught that when handling fire, we always use leather gloves to protect our hands.

For liability reasons, Ms. Darla lit the fire for the girls. They did such a great job building it! It burned really, really well and evenly. It was so beautiful and cozy – a perfect way to welcome in the start of cold nights here in Ohio.

The girls hung out for awhile, running around playing Ghost in the Graveyard together – another fun & spooky way to welcome in the season changing to Fall. They swung in the tree-swing and caught up with friends, while Mom’s got a chance to catch up with each other too.

Once the embers were hot enough, Ms. Darla began getting the fire ready for cooking while the girls went to the table under the light to start making their campfire Pizzas.

Once they were finished assembling their campfire Pizzas, Ms. Darla put them carefully on her makeshift oven set up.

She used fire grates, with racks on top of those. She then placed a baking sheet on top of the racks, and used a disposable baking pan lid as a cover to trap heat. Once the lid was on, she placed a smaller secondary disposable lid on top and filled it with hot embers to add heat coming from under, around, and above.

Once the Pizzas were finished cooking, she carefully removed them from heat and transferred to each girls paper plate. Ella said it was the best pizza she’d ever had, and that’s a big compliment coming from someone who doesn’t typically enjoy pizza.

This was such an awesome experience for the girls! I really wish I had a group like this when I was little – it really would have set me up for homemaking success later in life and taught me really necessary skills for living as an adult. I’m grateful to have it now with my own girls though – it’s even better together than it would have been on my own as a child. I’m grateful for the strong mother & daughter relationship foundation we are building. I really appreciate these classes and feel like I learn so much with them! The girls are always very excited to go.

Until next time ♡ Mama Morozov

Grace Girls | Table Setting

homeschool, Motherhood, Uncategorized

Grace Girls is back in session for the new academic year! This makes our third year attending Grace Girls! Our first meeting was last night & the girls learned How to Set a Table.

Grace Girls is sort of like an etiquette class where homeschooled girls get together to both socialize and learn how to grow up to be Proverbs 31 Women (aka homemakers). They have so far learned knife cutting & Kitchen safety skills, how to preserve fresh vegetables from the garden, how to plan meals, how to host a fall feast, how & when to start a meal train cooking for someone in need (elderly or sick neighbor, a family who welcomed a new baby, new family moved in, a death in the family, etc.), how to make corn husk dolls, and how to hand sew, mend, & embroider clothes. My girls have mentioned to me how grateful they are to learn these skills & how useful the classes have been for them. 

Homemaking is something I had to teach myself starting from the very, very basics. I did not have a homemaking mother growing up. I am very grateful to be able to pass these skills on to my children while also still constantly learning new things myself.

Ms. Darla hosted our meeting. She taught the girls different ways to properly set a table. She worked on a tray, placing different styles, layers, & color schemes together.

She taught us that the most important parts to setting a table are consistency & making our guests feel welcome & wanted, rather than overwhelmed & intimidated.

She had different learning stations set up for the girls to take turns at so that no one space was too overcrowded.

Ella really enjoyed learning how to fold napkins at the first station. I particularly liked her napkin with the flower pocket. I would like to start setting our own table napkins that way for fancy meals & gatherings. It is so beautiful & will be an interesting way to use our flowers from our garden.

Mia loved picking flowers & putting together mini bouquets for table settings. I have never thought to do miniature personal bouquets for each guest, but I love that idea for future gatherings too. It especially sounds nice for a breakfast or brunch gathering.

At the second station, the girls each took turns setting their own place settings using fancy dishes. They enjoyed creating color schemes with the dishes, napkins, & placemats. Sasha had a lovely time arranging her favorite dishes – they were so much fancier than ours at home.

The third station was to set a Christmas themed table. I love the use of real pine needles & pinecones. That is so beautiful & festive. I’ll have to remember that for our own Christmas dinner!

Ms. Darla rented every book her library currently had on table setting, napkin folding, and hosting for the girls to look through to pick their favorite tables. She asked the girls what meals & what seasons the tables were set for. I took some photos from different books that I plan to use at my own home!

Of course we had to check our her beehives while we were there because we have plans to add our own to our home next year! Luckily, Ms. Darla also teaches homeschool families about beekeeping & honey extraction, so I’ll be able to get off to a good start!

We had a really fun time at last night’s meeting & we left feeling like we learned a lot. I love that each of my girls who attended found their own special talent to bring to homemaking & future gatherings. Ella found a way to make her love for origami useful at the table using napkins, Mia’s love for plants & nature brings creativity + beauty to the table’s decor and ambiance, & Sasha’s love for creating a beautiful space for each person she loves will be useful for setting each place at the table. Each person’s talents come together to create a magical gathering & after all, the most important part of the table is togetherness.

Until next time ♡ Mama Morozov

Some Homeschool Happenings This Week

homeschool, Motherhood, Uncategorized

We are really enjoying homeschool so far. We are still figuring out what works for us and what doesn’t, but the nice thing is we are allowed to adjust our days for what works best for our family.

Ella really enjoys insects a lot. She found a dead bumblebee and was asking lots of questions about them & inspecting it.

I scored this awesome poster that really adds to our Living Education Atmosphere.

Typically we just do school on the weekdays, but honestly education never ends & sometimes events are limited to the weekends. This Sunday, we went to the Ukrainian Festival & watched Ukrainian dancing, listened to Ukrainian music, planned on eating (pierogies sold out FAST & only meat options were left), & shopped for some items. I signed up to join the Ukrainian Women’s League of America.

We were supposed to see Shakespeare in the Park this Saturday, but we were rained out. We still had our picnic at the park, checked out the nature center (sad to learn it is still mostly shut down since covid with no plans to re-open at this time, and played on the outdoor playground.

Ella found a cicada which made her very happy. Cicadas are her favorite insect.

We went to the library for Family Storytime. It’s mostly geared toward the three younger kids, but the older kids still enjoy it too. They mostly go for the tech time after crafting & to pick out new books though. I enjoy picking up new cookbooks to try new recipes.

For math one day we made a “Hungry Adding Robot” that Mia picked from a math book we picked out at the library this week. We love our library trips. The kids had a lot of fun picking out projects for us to do over the course of this “term.” We also had a lot of fun making this.

I really love that we are able to do the activities together as a family, but the big girls still have their own individual work to do too.

For science one day we made Nature Journals to collect various nature the girls find. Each “journal” has 4 paper bags to fill with things they find interesting on our nature walks. We can use our Nature Anatomy books to identify new nature we haven’t seen before.

Today we took a field trip to Highfield Discovery Garden. The story in the garden today was Dragons Love Tacos & they got to pick Taco Topping Veggies from the garden. They got tomatoes, peppers, and radishes. They remembered that radishes were mentioned last week in The Tail of Peter Rabbit.

They played on the tree house playground & in the garden, spent time exploring in the nature center, picked a book each in the little library, and put on a puppet show. We also packed a picnic lunch to share in the garden Cafe. Moses really liked watching the trains go around the tree house tracks.

Overall we had a really good week. We completed all our group & individual work we had planned. Time to make dinner & get ready for Ella’s first volleyball game!

Until next time ♡ Mama Morozov

Morning Reflections

Uncategorized

It is time for me to play a little game I like to call “is it poop or is it nature?” I zig zag the yard picking up any poops that it was too dark to see in the early morning hours. Although, I’ve learned that if I see a poop outside of my pattern I must break it to get that poop first because they are huskies + they are puppies, & they will run through it or roll over it.

I have come to love this routine. I love the couple hours I get to spend outside alone with the pups before the kids wake up. Time I used to spend immediately focused on housework, as soon as my eyes opened.

I quit smoking cigarettes a little over four years ago. I had smoked them heavily since I was thirteen. I thought they helped me clear my head. I thought they helped me relax. I thought that it was because of not smoking that I was constantly on edge, constantly irritated.

Then I got these mornings back. I realized it wasn’t the lack of cigarettes. It was the lack of nature first thing in the morning, lack of relaxing in the crisp morning air hitting my cheeks before the world woke up listening to the sounds of nature. We aren’t meant to be cooped up inside like prisoners; children or adults.

Over the past month that we have had that these pups, I’ve done a lot of life reflecting during my alone time outside with them. I’ve re-evaluated what my priorities are. I have a clear vision of the path in front of my family & feel unity as a family. I have found a lot more peace & patience both in my soul & way I behave. I’ve learned to start letting go of my controlling ways. I’ve found confidence in myself & my parenting. Most of all, I’ve found real happiness for the first time in a long time.

I’ve noticed how much more well-behaved my children have been over the summer when their bodies can get proper rest, nutrition, nature, & attention. They are able to wake individually & come out to the day as they are ready, not at once like a prison. I’m not rushing them through every step of the day. I’m spending real time with them- not rushed interactions between duties, rushing to get the next task crossed off before I am out of time. I get to really know them as individuals, not as a group.

I’m really excited to be able to learn again, alongside my children. I am excited for how far they will get to go, at their pace. They will no longer be limited to only learning a dictated syllabus in a certain time frame. The world is their classroom, & my curriculum is pretty damn impressive, too.

I am excited to experience life again. No more living like a clockwork robot, living the same miserable day over & over on loop. I’m grateful that I get to spend what little time I have with them while I have them home with me, before they begin lives of their own. “The years are short, but the days are long” really is true, isn’t it? I’m excited to get to accompany my children on field trips- something I wasn’t allowed to do (on the VERY limited amount  of) at traditional school due to the mistakes I made in my past, ten years ago. Something I wouldn’t have the chance of doing even if I could because I have small children who I wouldn’t be able to bring. Now no one has to miss out.

I’m grateful for the huge amount of support I’ve received from almost every single person I’ve talked to- even strangers who don’t know me at all. This wasn’t an overnight decision- I’ve been planning for years, I just never had the confidence to take the plunge. I didn’t think I was smart enough, enough in general, to teach my children anything until I was told that I have already been homeschooling my children since birth, I just wasn’t taking the credit for it. I don’t have to be “smart enough,” I GET to learn next to them. I get the chance to learn all of the things I didn’t pay enough attention to the first time + MORE, and I could not be more excited.

Until next time ♡ Mama Morozov

Ukrainian Pancakes (Syrniki)

Motherhood, Recipes, Uncategorized

Sasha & I made Syrniki this morning for breakfast! Syrniki are Ukrainian pancakes made from Farmers Cheese. I didn’t have time to pick up real Farmers Cheese, so I used cottage cheese as a substitute. Next time I make these, I’m going to stop in at Marina’s European Food Market and pick up some real Slavic Farmers Cheese.

In case you don’t know us personally, I am Ukrainian & my husband is from Russia. I was lucky enough to grow up learning some of the Ukrainian/Eastern European culture from my dad & his family (his sister, Mary, & her polish husband, Vince, both who are sadly no longer with us.) I loved going to their family parties! Learning the traditions, hearing the language… I loved their accents. I’d ask them to speak to me in Ukrainian, and in Ukrainian they would say, “why should I speak it if you can’t understand it?” I just thought that was the coolest thing ever. I learned a few words growing up, but never the language.

Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted to marry an Eastern European man. I gave all of my children a Ukrainian (or Russian) middle name to honor our heritage: Kaden Yuri (after my dad) 💙, Ella Aleksandriya 💗, Mia Nataliya (after Niko’s birth mother) 💗, Sasha Katiya 💗, Athena Mariyah (after my dad’s sister & my mom, both Mary… *side note: it isn’t supposed to have an “h” at the end. I’m still mad at myself for agreeing to putting that) 💗, & Moses Kolya (after Niko) 💙.

Since the invasion, I have decided to go “full Ukrainian.” I’ve taught myself how to read & write their alphabet confidently. I can now speak Ukrainian at an elementary level. I am teaching my children as I learn so we can be fluent at home. My husband has tried teaching me Russian over the years (which is very similar to Ukrainian), and I’ve tried Rosetta Stone in the past so it wasn’t totally unfamiliar to me, but this time it just clicked- almost like it was unlocked from my DNA bank. I finally would be able to not only understand what they were saying to me, but respond too. I’m so proud of myself.

In addition to all of that, I am learning how to cook Ukrainian foods so that I will be able to pass recipes down to my children to continue embracing our culture for generations to come.

Today we made Syrniki & it turned out REALLY yummy so I decided to share it here.

Gather your ingredients.

  • 2 16oz containers cottage cheese (farmers cheese if possible)
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 cup flour
  • 4 tablespoons sugar
  • 2 teaspoons baking soda
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt

I have a large family & wanted to make sure that I had extra to send to my parents to try. If you have a small family; cut this in half, or make & use for breakfast prep/freezer breakfast meal for later.

Mix together.

Sasha hard at work mixing everything together in a big bowl.

Meanwhile, pour some oil of your choice on a skillet on the stove and let it heat up.

Wash your hands again. Leave them a little wet, but not dripping. Grab a smallish size amount of cheese mixture and form into a patty & place on stove. Wet hands again & repeat one by one. You’ll want to fry them until they are golden brown. DO NOT move them until you see the crust forming on the bottom & the top looks flat like pancake batter, no longer like cottage cheese (the cottage cheese will slop all over the pan if you flip too soon). Flipping is more difficult than with American pancakes.

Once both sides are golden brown, transfer to a place &…

Serve.

I served these with peaches. I had planned on making cream to go with them as well, but got too overwhelmed with the flipping that I decided peaches were enough. Next time I will definitely make the cream ahead of time because it would be a very nice treat to go with them.

Now that I made them and know what to expect, I will feel more confident making them from here on out. I am excited to try them with various toppings, especially other fruits & jams. They are more savory than sweet, so the fruits bring a natural sweetness to them. They are really, really good though- the kids even said they were delicious!

Until next time ♡ Mama Morozov

Big Summer Cuts

Motherhood, Uncategorized

We found the BEST kids salon in the world. Seriously.

It is SUCH a cute place! Its like a miniature version of a grown up salon and everyone who knows me, knows how I feel about miniature things 😍.

Seriously though, I couldn’t get over how cute this place is! As soon as you walk in they offer you a drink; water, cold brew, or local craft beer. I can almost never turn down a cold brew 😉.

There is a cute little gift shop with adorable hair accessories and little toys. There’s a hair product section of kid-safe products for sale as well. There’s also a play section with wooden toys in the waiting area to play with.

There is also a room for nails & glitter tattoos which is where the birthday parties are held. The receptionist was telling us about more future plans happening that will make this kids salon EVEN better! I can’t wait to see how that is even possible!

Before

During

After

Mia got one braid in the front + purple glitter. Ella got two braids tied behind like a ninja which could not be a more perfect hair style for her + blue glitter.

Mia kept her long hair just trimming off the dead ends, but Ella brought hers closer to her shoulders so that it would be a lot easier for her to maintain without taking too much length. She has very thick hair that locks up really bad. Brushing her hair has always been a traumatic event for both of us, so I am really hopeful that this new style helps. It definitely looks adorable!

This really was such a fun experience and is going to be our haircut home from now on. We have officially become that family that will only go to one place for the rest of our kids lives. Seriously though, it’s that great of a place! We will definitely be back for Mia’s birthday in August for a pamper sesh!

Until next time ♡ Mama Morozov

Little Summer Cuts

Motherhood, Uncategorized

We went with Grandma Colleen to lunch today at Panera (I had a pick 2: Mediterranian Veggie Sandwich + Strawberry Poppyseed Salad without chicken… SO yum! The girls both had mac & cheese + strawberry yogurt) then took Sasha + Athena to get their hairs cut for summer!

We wanted to break the girls up by the big & little so it wouldn’t be as overwhelming for anyone which was a really good idea.

Before

During

After

They look so cute & behaved so well today. I was so proud of them!!

Back to mom life.

Until next time ♡ Mama Morozov

A Year With Moses

Motherhood, Uncategorized

I can’t believe it was Moses’ birthday yesterday!! A whole year has passed since he was born. He’s my best friend. My little dude. My Mosie Wosie. We have a special connection that no one else can understand, but I’ll try to explain it to you ❤

This photo was taken the day before he was born.  I was so excited to meet my baby. We waited until birth to find out the gender.

Towards the end of the day I began feeling extremely nervous. More nervous than with any of my others babies births. A different nervous, like something was wrong. Maybe it was the fact that I didn’t know the gender, or maybe it was because I was using a different doctor & hospital this time because of financial reasons. Whatever it was, my intuition is strong.

I woke up still nervous as can be. A total anxious wreck. More nervous than excited. My father in law asked if I was normally this nervous. I said, “no. Not at all.” We headed to the hospital.

Before surgery, I had a terrible feeling. During prep, I had to have my spinal done twice because the first one wasn’t done correctly. This time I felt a “pop” that I’ve never felt before in any previous c-section. I remember hoping I wasn’t paralyzed when this was all over. 

During the surgery, everything seemed to be going fine. They let me know I would feel pressure, and my husband said “it’s a boy!” The look on his face was all worth the wait. That was one of my favorite memories of seeing Niko.

They didn’t let me hold him right away. That was weird. It didn’t hit me that something was wrong yet. I asked to hold him. Niko handed him to me and took this photo of us. I began feeling really weak. I was pouring sweat. I told Niko he needed to hold him. I began feeling scared. This didn’t feel right. I asked Niko to hold my hand. I felt like I maybe wasn’t going to make it through this time.

I was told the doctor sliced my bladder and another team was on their way for a bladder surgery. I don’t remember much else until we got back to the room. My brain isn’t ready to remember yet.

The doctor told us we were not allowed to have any more babies because my uterus & bladder are now fused together. I was told I would need to wear a catheter for at least 2.5 weeks, possibly indefinitely- just depends on how well my body heals.

After an extremely traumatic birth experience, we made it through- alive & together. He was perfect.

Because of the birth trauma, nursing was difficult for us in the beginning. Everyone around me was trying to push me to give in to the formula, but I dug in my heels. There was NO was I was going to sacrifice nursing my baby.

My husband had to be home with the girls, so I was alone most of the day + night in the hospital- that was really hard for me. Like really hard. I held a grudge about that for a long time and every now and then those hurt feelings still pop up.

My mom came as often as she could to try to keep me in good spirits and fed. Normally I love me some good hospital cuisine room service, but I’d rate this cafeteria 1 star at best.

While I was alone in my room, my emotions hit me. I was in total shock over what happened. I felt betrayed being left alone, especially so quickly, after what happened. I felt grief and loss over the fact I was told I couldn’t carry anymore children, that was not our plan at all and that decision was taken from me. I felt anger for that. I felt worried that my sadness would affect my bonding with my son. I felt guilty for being upset. I was unsure of what the outcome of this injury would be. I was worried about what our financial situation would look like since Niko had to take off work to be our primary caregiver. I was a total mess of emotions

I was stuck inside a shitty hospital, with a shitty view, and had no idea what the future was about to bring so I cried. And while I was crying a nurse walked in. She did she said nothing. She did her business then left. Then returned with a piece of paper, maybe it was a packet, and told me she needed me to fill it out. It was scale to find out if I had post-partum depression.

I didn’t have post partum depression. I had birth trauma, natural emotions, and was totally out of control of my own body & health. I had a life changing situation occur

Once we came home, I began feeling better. I don’t do so well in hospitals. Never have. Usually I’m up walking around as soon as I return to my room and beg the doctors to let me leave until the minute my discharge papers are in my hand.

I was pretty immobile with the catheter. When I laid down, all of the urine pooled until I stood up. I’d have to stand at the top of the stairs while my husband walked the bag down it to get it to fully drain. Turns out, it was put in incorrectly and wasn’t properly draining. I learned this while checking to see if my bladder healed. They strapped me to this metal table horizontally, but they had to turn the table up vertically to get it to drain at all. I’m lucky I didn’t get a serious infection.

For the first several months after I was still moving much slower than normal, but I was loving every second of getting to know Moses. We have been inseparable since his birth.

He is a total Mama’s Boy & I couldn’t be happier about it. Since he’s our baby, I try to appreciate the moments more. I try to not complain when he needs more of me than I have to give. I will carry him as long as he’ll let me. I will nurse him as long as he wants. He’s my baby & I won’t rush these precious last moments.

He’s my second chance at being a boy mom. I messed up my first time so badly & was “robbed” of my boy mom experience by my relapse after his c-section. I missed so many important parts of his life while I struggled to get sober. I so desperately wanted a second chance.

I got my second chance & this time I won’t mess it up. I was convinced for so long that God wasn’t going to let me have another chance with a son as “punishment” for not taking better care of my first. I was given another chance in exchange for my ability to have anymore children. He was well worth it.

[*Just to clarify- I do not see my girls as a punishment at all. I love them each to death, they are amazing & have taught me so much about sisterhood both at home and the broader sense of the word. They are each a piece of me and a necessary part of my life lessons, some I’m learning now & others I’ll continue to learn along the way.]

He has the sweetest heart & knows just how to melt yours. He’s a total cuddle bug. He loves music & dancing to it. He’s picky about food, but when he really likes something he makes it know with a loud “mmm” and a smack on the highchair. He’s shy around new friends, but once he opens up he has such a fun personality. We can’t go anywhere without someone stopping to comment on how beautiful of a boy he is. On two totally separate occasions, an elderly woman has walked up to him just to tell him he makes the world a better place. That can’t be coincidence.

He still nurses regularly throughout the day and at least once at night. He’s in 2T clothing already and around 25 pounds.

He has 8 teeth. 4 on top, 4 on the bottom. He’s cruising along, but not yet walking on his own. He’s starting to say a few words. He now says “stop” when his sisters are bothering him too hard. It comes out more as “op,” but it’s clear he knows what he means. He also now says “up” when he wants to be held.

We had a really nice simple birthday celebration for him last night We ordered Larosa’s Pizza and shared cake & ice cream. He “opened” his presents and played. His real celebration will be this weekend.

I am so very grateful for Moses and this past year. He has brought us so much joy, gratitude, and so much love. He has so much love just flowing from his tiny little body. His aura is absolutely hypnotizing.

I am excited to see who he becomes as he grows. I will continue to take these moments all in and not take any of them for granted. Before I know it, these days will be a distant memory that I miss terribly, no matter how hard it gets sometimes.

We love you so much Mosie ❤ You truly do make the world a better place because of you.

Until next time ♡ Mama Morozov

What’s Been Going on at Mama Morozov’s Home

home, Motherhood, Uncategorized

Happy Monday!! It started out a sort of overcast morning over here on this day so I’m catching up on housework. I have a sort of “unwritten rule” that dreary/overcast days are for housework and sunny days are for yardwork because I don’t want to miss any time with the sun.

We had a really great Sunday Family Day yesterday. The sun was shining, the kids were playing. We skipped church since the kids have some yucky cold symptoms going on and just hung out at home together.

My gardens have come along so much this week! There’s still tons to be done though! I’d like to get mulch down this week before the crazy amount of weeds return!

I filled my basket planter with these adorable trailing white flowers that will hang down under my Ukrainian flag. I’m really excited to see how far they grow!

I weeded & mulched this small garden bed this week. I used 2 bags and will still need to add at least one more bag here. This space was very low down compared to the grass around it and since it had probably never been mulched before I really want to get a good few layers on so the weeds don’t come back as heavy next year.

We brought our grill back out and bought a few needed grill tools for it.

Niko made hot dogs, vegetarian hot dogs, and the most delicious corn on the cob. I heated up the vegetarian baked beans & brought out watermelon, chips, and potato salad.

I planted this clematis in this planter. I’m so excited for the vines to take on a life of its own on this along the tower’s shapes. It’s going to be so beautiful especially when it has more purple flowers growing up it.

My ranunculus flowers are blooming and they are SO beautiful! One day I will have a much larger container filled with these beauties, but I’m SO happy with my start.

It has been so hot out lately & summer break is coming up so I decided it would be fun to get this inflatable pool for the kids to use this summer. It’s a lot of fun and the kids had a blast playing in it all day long.

Anyone have any tips on how to keep an inflatable pool clean all season? They always seem to get so gross after the first use.

I spoke with my neighbor last night and she gave me the compliment that my back yard is very pleasant to look at. That made me really happy. My hard work is making a difference for not only my own family but for my neighbors as well!!

It is my goal that while we are living in this home in Deer Park, someone nominates us for a Beautification Award. Her compliment made me really hopeful that could actually come true one day! I’ll just have to keep beautifying it for now.

Until next time ♡ Mama Morozov