Morning Reflections

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It is time for me to play a little game I like to call “is it poop or is it nature?” I zig zag the yard picking up any poops that it was too dark to see in the early morning hours. Although, I’ve learned that if I see a poop outside of my pattern I must break it to get that poop first because they are huskies + they are puppies, & they will run through it or roll over it.

I have come to love this routine. I love the couple hours I get to spend outside alone with the pups before the kids wake up. Time I used to spend immediately focused on housework, as soon as my eyes opened.

I quit smoking cigarettes a little over four years ago. I had smoked them heavily since I was thirteen. I thought they helped me clear my head. I thought they helped me relax. I thought that it was because of not smoking that I was constantly on edge, constantly irritated.

Then I got these mornings back. I realized it wasn’t the lack of cigarettes. It was the lack of nature first thing in the morning, lack of relaxing in the crisp morning air hitting my cheeks before the world woke up listening to the sounds of nature. We aren’t meant to be cooped up inside like prisoners; children or adults.

Over the past month that we have had that these pups, I’ve done a lot of life reflecting during my alone time outside with them. I’ve re-evaluated what my priorities are. I have a clear vision of the path in front of my family & feel unity as a family. I have found a lot more peace & patience both in my soul & way I behave. I’ve learned to start letting go of my controlling ways. I’ve found confidence in myself & my parenting. Most of all, I’ve found real happiness for the first time in a long time.

I’ve noticed how much more well-behaved my children have been over the summer when their bodies can get proper rest, nutrition, nature, & attention. They are able to wake individually & come out to the day as they are ready, not at once like a prison. I’m not rushing them through every step of the day. I’m spending real time with them- not rushed interactions between duties, rushing to get the next task crossed off before I am out of time. I get to really know them as individuals, not as a group.

I’m really excited to be able to learn again, alongside my children. I am excited for how far they will get to go, at their pace. They will no longer be limited to only learning a dictated syllabus in a certain time frame. The world is their classroom, & my curriculum is pretty damn impressive, too.

I am excited to experience life again. No more living like a clockwork robot, living the same miserable day over & over on loop. I’m grateful that I get to spend what little time I have with them while I have them home with me, before they begin lives of their own. “The years are short, but the days are long” really is true, isn’t it? I’m excited to get to accompany my children on field trips- something I wasn’t allowed to do (on the VERY limited amount  of) at traditional school due to the mistakes I made in my past, ten years ago. Something I wouldn’t have the chance of doing even if I could because I have small children who I wouldn’t be able to bring. Now no one has to miss out.

I’m grateful for the huge amount of support I’ve received from almost every single person I’ve talked to- even strangers who don’t know me at all. This wasn’t an overnight decision- I’ve been planning for years, I just never had the confidence to take the plunge. I didn’t think I was smart enough, enough in general, to teach my children anything until I was told that I have already been homeschooling my children since birth, I just wasn’t taking the credit for it. I don’t have to be “smart enough,” I GET to learn next to them. I get the chance to learn all of the things I didn’t pay enough attention to the first time + MORE, and I could not be more excited.

Until next time ♡ Mama Morozov

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