I’ve been struggling heavy this year. Struggling to keep up. Struggling to cope with grief & choices I made in the past. Struggling to keep the lights on. Struggling with mood swings & resentment. Just… Struggling.

I’ve decided to do some soul cleaning & mind work by going back through the Mom Set Free Bible Study.

I worked through this Bible Study a few years ago in a Mom Group. I felt like I got a lot out of it, but that I was also a completely different person in a different place at that time. I’ve added a few more children since then, learned a few more life lessons, and began finding real confidence in motherhood & homemaking.

I don’t have the time to complete each day’s work on a daily basis in this current season of life we’re in here, so I am aiming to work through one “day” slowly throughout the week until I make it through the entire workbook, sharing on Sundays.

Opening Questions

• If you could go back to the time when you were preparing for your first child, what advice would you give to the younger you?

Make your own decisions – do not let family or doctors make decisions for you. This is your child, not theirs. Worry less about names & shopping for clothes and spend more time researching everything. Research formula. Research vaccines. Research circumcision. Research Johnson & Johnson. Research Gerber. Research c-sections; trust in your own body, not a psychiatrist. You don’t need surgery or the pharmaceuticals being pushed on you. Start eating real food, stay away from processed poison. Learn to cook so you can teach good food habits from the start. Move out on your own.

Looking back, it’s absolutely wild how far I’ve come as a mother from my first pregnancy 15 years ago. I’m a completely different person. I have completely different values. I have a completely different mindset. Back then, I still had such a childish mind. I made mindless decisions that I strongly regret based on what others, or society, told me to do. Today, I would never. I’ve had life changing experiences with each child that has led me down different paths that taught me to leave society & raise my kids my own way. With each child I’ve gained more confidence in my abilities as a mother, and learned that being at home with my children is what I was called to do.

• What are some of the pressures mom face each day?

I cannot speak for other moms, I can only speak for myself. I homeschool during the week. I work my entire Saturday which sets me back days, all for a measley $100 – Our family’s only income for the last year & a half. Keep up with laundry, cleaning, meals, lawn & garden work, grocery shopping, meal planning, daily baking, cooking all meals at home from scratch, I take care of the cats. Getting kids to appointments & activities. Planning birthdays & holidays. Extended breastfeeding & cloth diapering. On Sundays, we have Ukrainian School where I am helping Ms. Tetiana with the preschoolers.

• What weakness has parenting revealed to you as a mom? What is the hardest part of being a mom for you?

I am controlling. I over-react to mess & too much noise. I have a hard time accepting help. I set unrealistically high standards for myself then get angry when I can’t achieve these standards.

I honestly couldn’t tell you what the hardest part is. Every day is different. Some days the hardest part is being ignored. Some days it’s when you realize you can’t remember how long it’s been since your needs have been met, but you have to keep pouring from a bone-dry cup anyway. Some days it’s sick, cranky kids. Some days it’s feeling like a total failure, that you can’t do anything right. Some days it’s everyone around you fighting & having a meltdown while you try to keep your own emotions in check. Some days it is feeling like you have no help or anyone to turn to, or worse, turning to someone you trust and being told, “well, you asked for this.” It depends on the day. It depends how my mental status is – did I get enough sleep? Did I eat?

• What are your biggest worries and concerns when you think you are not enough for your kids or for God?

I know that I am enough for my children. God wouldn’t have trusted me with them if I wasn’t – after all, they are His children first. However, there are human behaviors that I worry about impacting them, like when I yell. I apologize every time, but I still feel terrible. I try to be better than I was the day before, but I am human. While my husband has been out of work, I’ve felt like I am not able to do enough for them whether that be gifts or special outings. I have felt like a failure. I have felt like a disappointment. I especially feel this around birthdays & holidays. I do know, however, that the more that I compare, the more unsettled I feel. I only feel like I’m not doing enough when I compare what else could be done – a direct result of American consumerism. When I begin focusing on what I want (greed) & don’t have (envy), I begin feeling less than. We may not have everything we want, but we have what we need and most of all we have each other & that is enough.

Never in my life has it crossed my mind that I’m not good enough for God. I thought that was the whole concept: I was fearfully & wonderfully made in His image, and so were you. Saying I’m not enough is saying His image is wrong and that I know more than Him.

• Read Isaiah 26:3. What did you learn from this verse?

I had to look up what this was trying to tell me. What I learned is that if I look towards God, I will find the inner peace that I am searching for. I can’t control my way to peace, I must surrender. When it all seems like too much, ask God where to start. He will calm the heart & mind if I just trust in His plan.

• What does it mean to rely on the peace & power of God? How would that reliance change your parenting?

This is one that I feel that I’ve been working on while my husband has been out of work: really putting my faith into God taking care of us. It has been HARD. Most days I feel like the entire world rests on my shoulders and it will literally collapse if I don’t get it all done. I have to keep reminding myself that He doesn’t give us more than we can handle. I have to keep reminding myself that this is all part of His plan. I need to learn to let go of my need to control, and fully allow Him to do His work through me.

Knowing that these are God’s children and he has lent them to me to watch over them in their Earthly journeys is something that changed my parenting drastically. It really puts into perspective how important our jobs as Mothers is. We are trusted to care for them, keep them safe, treat them as good as God would. That’s a huge job! But it’s also SO beautiful that I was chosen for this.

• What do you want to gain most from this Bible Study?

I’m hoping to work through the traumas I have been carrying for so long now and let Jesus carry it for me. I hope to bring more peace into my heart & home. I hope I learn to let go of these grudges I hold & need to control, and learn to trust in God’s plan for me instead. I hope I can begin giving myself more grace. I hope to lean in and form a deeper relationship with God. To do personal reflection on areas that I need to work on in my life. Maybe get to connect with other like-minded mamas.

Thanks for being here on my journey.

Until next time ♡ Mama Morozov