Happy Monday. I am grateful for a new week to begin. I want to preface this by saying that I just found this post lost in my drafts that I wrote earlier this year while my husband was still and decided to go ahead and post it just as I found it because it still has so much relevance today & speaks with honesty about my shortcomings in my heart, life, and marriage. Having clear realization of those shortcomings was a big turning point in my life and marriage. It gave me the strength to lift my husband up from his rock bottom. It gave me the mindset shift to serve my husband better, any way that I can. It made our foundation stronger in our home, marriage, and family, and continues to secure that foundation with each passing day. I am still so grateful for God opening my eyes to where I needed to improve.

I will be honest, I walked away from this Bible study for awhile as our family adjusted to our new schedule once my husband began his new job, but I’ve decided to step back in and continue where I left off. I have been in complete mourning since the assassination of Charlie Kirk this last week and, like many others, it has inspired me to lean in closer to God and fully step in to my role as a biblical, Titus 2 mother, wife, woman, teacher, and homemaker. I want to make Jesus the heart, center, & priority of our home. I want to be louder about my testimony and all of the ways the God has changed my life for the better. I want to find courage and stop silencing my own self in the false illusion of safety & comfort, and the way that I can do that is through my writing.

If you’ve been following along so far on the Mom Set Free Bible Study, welcome back for Week 1, Day 4. The first “week” is almost over, and even though it’s taken me so much longer than I originally anticipated when I decided to work through this study again, I feel like my relationship with God is the closest it has ever been. This workbook, in this season of my life, has really helped open my eyes to so much that I was needing to see. I am really grateful for that.

Recently, I realized that I wasn’t treating my husband with grace as he was taking time off work – time we agreed upon – to get to really know and build a relationship with our children and get to experience moments he had missed out on for so long in each of their lives due to work. We should have discussed a time frame in the beginning of how long he had expected/hoped for this break to be, but we didn’t. So as time went on, I began to feel the immense financial pressure build, and as more people shared their opinions with me on how they felt that my life should look, I began treating him passive-aggressively. I was not being a good partner or wife. I was not setting a good example for my children. I was seeing things only through my lens, not God’s or my husband’s. Coming to that realization was hard, but so necessary.

This week’s Bible Study questions came at exactly the time I needed them. I love when life works out like that.

What emotions does the expression “be the person you want your children to become” evoke in you?

The first time I answered this question, my answers were so different from what they are today. I had written down “Fear. Sadness. Frustration. Guilt.” I had such a low view of myself from who I was before I became a mother, and who everyone told me I was my entire life. Over the years I’ve found myself and I’ve found confidence in myself, especially as a mother and gatekeeper of my home. I can say I am proud of the person I am today. I’m not perfect, but I’m a dang good mother and love being one with all my heart. There are certainly things I’d like for my children to be better at than me, and I hope I’m giving them the tools they need in order to do that as they grow. I do my best to teach them important things like leaving the Earth better than they found it, old world skills for self-sufficiency, to always give to those less fortunate, and not worship material items or outside influences. I love the person I’ve intentionally become and I am no longer ashamed by that expression.

I know many moms who don’t struggle with perfectionism but still feel the pressure of our culture’s impossible standards to be close to flawless. How do you respond to that pressure? Are you more prone to try even harder, or does it make you want to just quit altogether? Explain.

I struggle with perfectionism, but I decided to walk away from our culture & society years ago. Homeschooling has been so freeing for me as a mother. We get to live our own lives – not the lives society tells us that we are supposed to. Plus the further away from it we get, the less we ever want to return.

What are the consequences of trying to be the perfect example for our kids to follow?

Constantly trying to be perfect leads to mental breakdowns, which isn’t healthy me or my kids. It also sets them up for constant failure, feeling like they can never be enough or do enough. As an adult, I still struggle with never feeling like I am enough even though I’m constantly told that “I do more than anyone I know.” I’m constantly reminding myself that it’s still not enough, it’s still not everything. I physically cannot relax because there’s always more I could be doing. It’s productive, but it’s not exactly healthy.

Read Titus 2:7. Write the verse in your own words.

Actions are everything. You must lead by example, not by words. Children don’t listen to what you have to say very well, and sometimes it doesn’t register for them until many years from the time they hear it, but they are quick to follow your actions. BE the person that you want your children to be, don’t just tell them to be it. Be intentional with your actions. Be consistent in your actions. When you know better, do better. Be a good example. Don’t do anything you wouldn’t personally be okay with your children doing too.

Read Corinthians 12:7-10. What was the affliction that Paul said was given to him?

“A thorn in my flesh.”

Rather than respond to Paul’s pleading by removing the affliction, what did God say to him? Answer by filling in the blank: “My – – is all you need. My – – works best in weakness.”

“My GRACE is sufficient for you, for my POWER is made perfect in weakness”

Share how you think you might have responded to God’s answer.

Personally, I agree with God. My husband is always so embarrassed that I share the parts of my life that he’d rather people not know about me. He tells me that it pushes others away from me and causes them to judge me. So what?! If someone cannot handle the parts of my story that have led me to become the person I am today, then they have no business being in my life to begin with. I don’t want anyone in my life who isn’t going to love me despite my shortcomings. My weaknesses show what I’ve had to overcome, they prove my strength – something I am proud of. I fully believe that God takes care of us as long as we surrender to Him and let Him lead. When I am struggling my hardest, that’s when I find myself closest to God and I am able to see the miracles that living in faith brings at the end of the tunnel.

Now let’s look at how Paul responds in verses 9-10: “So now I am glad to – – about my – -, so that the power of Christ can – -“.

I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that God’s Power may rest on me.

Why was the thorn given to Paul?

To keep Paul humble throughout his powerful spiritual experiences

And what is the opposite of pride or conceit?

Humility

Have you seen God’s grace proven all-sufficient and all-powerful in your weakness and need? If so, please explain.

Yes, more so in the last year & a half than ever. When my husband left his job I had to put all of faith into God that He would provide for our family. I had to learn how to stop being my controlling self and believing that everything was up to me and only me to solve. Time and time again when I had no idea how we were going to make it, we somehow made it, by the grace of God. There were times I woke up not knowing how I was going to come up with enough money to feed my cats and I’d make exactly enough in tips to buy a box of food down to the dollar, or the time I had no idea how I was going to afford the necessary car repairs I needed done – then God supplied us with exactly enough money through an eviction clean out selling items that I saved from going in the landfill. Strangers/angels who helped us at exactly the right times. People always tell me that I am so resourceful and they would never be able to do what I do, but what they don’t know is that I’m also not doing it – God is. God moves me like a pawn & places things in my path through manifestation. He takes care of us and provides for us on a level that cannot be explained in any other way than by His grace & miracle.

On a scale of 1-5, how free do you currently feel to be honest with your children about your weaknesses?

5. I am not ashamed to share my weaknesses with my children. I am, however, ashamed to show my children my weaknesses at times. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and over-stimulated and I behave in a way that isn’t beautiful. I’ll raise my voice, I’ll behave in a passive-aggressive manner, especially towards my husband. Those aren’t things I am proud of, but I’m human, and therefore I’m flawed. I apologize and make sure they know that my behavior is a reflection of me, not them and assure them that nothing they could ever do will ever stop me from loving them and enjoying them. I believe that sharing my experiences with them, both good and bad, is important. They know they aren’t alone in their struggles. We have incorporated a very strong sense of family in our children and it is extremely important to me that they know how strong our family support is, that any time they are struggling, big or small, there will always be one of us waiting and ready to take the torch from them when they need it.

What has prevented you from feeling free to be honest? Or, what has enabled you to be honest?

Absolutely nothing has prevented me from being honest with my children at home. I feel that with my oldest, I do not have that same bond. I have never been given a say in his life about anything other than giving him life itself – something I fiercely fought for when everyone around me tried to force me to have an abortion, even threatened against my will. I was instructed to lie to my son on several occasions, mostly regarding his father and his living arrangements. I have been left out of all important life decisions – decisions having been made for him that I would have never allowed. I’ve never felt that I had any right to be his mother, only some screwed-up version of an older sister. I feel like I can’t be myself or share any sort of beliefs with him because my values & my beliefs are the exact opposite of my mother. She presses her values on him, while actively bashing mine without even realizing it. I feel forced into silence with him.

What are some ways your life can demonstrate to your children that you are deeply grateful for how God’s grace is sufficient for you?

Continue to teach and show them how to take care of God’s creation, continue to praise God for all the ways He loves and provides for us while continually pointing out the every day miracles he blesses us with. One of our favorite daily activities is going around the Dinner table each naming one thing we are thankful for that day. It’s easy to recite a simple mindless prayer, but to really put thought into it is really special and I believe teaches them how to always look for the good even in the bad. We could be having the worst possible day, but there’s always something to be grateful for. Continue to show them to keep going even through the hard times and to find strength in God.

How is striving to be a flawless example different than seeking to live in pursuit of Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit?

I think that the difference is living by what you view as a flawless example vs what God sees as a flawless example. God writes out very clear instructions in how to follow him to His standard, yet today’s society tells us the opposite. When you strive to chase society’s “flawless example,” you lose yourself and lose sight of the example that God wants you to be. You set your sights on human standards and humans are anything but flawless. God knows we aren’t perfect and doesn’t expect us to be, that is why he is ready and waiting with grace.

Who is the ultimate example that both Paul and the people of God should have followed?

Jesus.

Close with prayer. Write your own prayer of gratitude below.

Creator, I thank you for all that you do to watch over us and all of your creation that you have so generously shared with us. Thank you for being my strength and believing in me when no one else did. Thank you for the wonderful children that you have entrusted to me, please continue to provide me with the strength and wisdom to raise them in your image. Protect them from those who cause harm and stay near them in hardship and fill their hearts with peace. Amen.

Additional prayer: Please pray for Erika Kirk and her children and his parents to give them strength, guidance, comfort, and light through the darkest season of their lives and continue to watch over them for the rest of their lives. Pray for those in attendance who were traumatized. Pray for Iryna Zarutska, who also lost her innocent life last week to a tragic murder, whose death was unfortunately overshadowed & deserved so much more attention. Pray for America, and the world as a whole.

Until next time ♡ Mama Morozov