A Humbling Experience

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Good morning world 🌎

I’m going to get really vulnerable here for a change. It’s scary & embarrassing, but it’s real life, and it’s why I made this blog in the first place.

Every once in awhile I notice the lessons that the universe gives me in order to make me a stronger person. It’s honestly really cool and eye-opening. Sometimes we all need to be broken down in some way in order to build us back up, but since beginning my spiritual journey I’ve seen time & time again that you will not be left broken if you have faith.

My husband works a full time career. I am a stay at home mom/homemaker. Our family of 7 receives snap benefits and I’m not going to lie; we rely pretty heavily on that for a big chunk of our monthly groceries. Especially since March 2020, we have been receiving a second payment (called an “emergency allotment”) which has really been extremely appreciated by our family.

It’s an impossible cycle they set in place to ensure reliance on the government. The ultimate goal is to be self-reliant and not need snap benefits, but as soon as you make enough to be comfortable for a split second, they cut you off from benefits and you’re immediately back to struggling. I’ve known people to quit their jobs just to not lose their food or medical benefits for their child.

Anyway, the day it has been scheduled (from 3/20-present) to hit our account arrives and I could not be more thrilled to place our Drive Up order at Kroger. Before I place the order, I habitually check the balance, only to see $7.74. I call to hear our next scheduled payment date: nearly a month away. I panicked.

I did some research online. I saw that only some states renewed the EA payments through the end of April, and Ohio wasn’t on the list. I panicked even more. I have 5 little mouths to feed, plus my husband & I, but their little bellies are our first priority. $7 wasn’t going to work. My first instinct was to find a food bank to stock up on as many groceries as I could to supplement that payment until at least payday, then figure out an entire new budget. I was embarrassed to share my current situation with anyone. I was scared if anyone knew I was struggling with food, I would lose my kids.

I headed to The Healing Place. It was very nice, everyone was super friendly. They offer free onsite childcare with background-checked volunteers while you are there so you can focus on the task(s) at hand, a free clothing/home needs store, a free grocery store with food items donated by local grocery stores such as Kroger & Costco, as well as free bicycles and/or bus tokens, free medical attention (well checks, addiction specialists, mental health services, eye health, etc.) by UC students, and so much more. It really is such a beautiful mission.

I came home feeling a mix of grateful, like a total failure, and very humbled. I hadn’t been in a place like that for myself in a long time. It’s a very humbling experience and definitely knocked my ass down a few notches, but my pride & snobbish attitude obviously needed to be put in check and I needed to be reminded that EVERYONE needs help sometimes. Getting help does not mean that you are a failure or a bad mom, it means you are human.

The next day I went to Kroger to buy a head of lettuce. Before going in I checked the balance, out of habit, knowing that it was still going to say $7.74. But it didn’t. The payment had been deposited a few hours earlier.

It was a miracle. I was seriously shocked. A total wave of relief washed over me. As well as a sobering realization that at any moment our food supply can be cut off- the government has us right where they want us- relient on them.

I now see the importance of having a bulk food & water supply in case of emergencies that our family can survive on, instead of just a fully stocked pantry that I’ve been focusing on in my homemaking.

If you or someone you know is struggling, please do not be ashamed to ask for help. With the intense inflation, many people are struggling more than they care to admit. You aren’t alone. There is plenty of help out there available to families (and single people as well), and that is exactly what it is intended for- to help in your time of need. You are worthy of help.

Until next time β™‘ Mama Morozov

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